Why Do I Like Apples…so much?

If Apples = Men

I like Apples because:

I seek nourishment; because I am wired to; They help me know myself…They are delicious, food, natures medicine, full of nutrients, sunlight and vital forces…

Because I am Eve.
It is my lot to love an Apple!
Because from the Dawn of Time
I have known Apples to be
the source of my existence
and this is my sin!
My confusion, my knowing
that blocks out the One Central Thing
that makes me cover myself in shame;
The thing is
that I forgot that
The Apple is NOT GOD;
but the fruit of knowing God in man!
But I must learn this lesson well;
for many years, have I been deluded
By God; that Father,
God, that Son,
and I… The Ghost!
the mere ghost…
I set myself to wandering
alone in the desert,
no mortal man to hold me;
Inviolable, untouchable in my torment.

I sought for the apple tree within
and found only you, you and
you, again…
But you are NOT GOD
So how can I be SO mistaken?

So I know GOD through Apples
but do I know, can I know GOD
directly, by my own lights?
Can I come, finally, naked
open handed, surrendered
and say
God, I looked for you everywhere
But I found only Apples!
They are sweet but they are not you,
and I am mere Mortal;
Wounded and seeking
comfort.

This Apple would only feed me
for so long, but I seek
life eternal, life beyond life
I seek your Source now;
only you.
I no longer seek Apples.
They are what they are;
They appear, are eaten
or being eaten by other insects
and I feel abundant.
But there is only one
after all…
The Apple Tree itself belongs to You!

March 28th 2017

I wrote this after a long and painful night letting go my attachment to a friend. I love him dearly but it is not time for us to go beyond the simplicity of friendship. I accept this, though it hurts me greatly. I’m sure the pain is cleansing. Ouch. Healing HURTS!!!

Earlier in the day whilst we were hanging out he looked for a bag of apples and couldn’t find them. Later he told me he had found them after all. I said I wanted his apple! Ha! Anyway, we played with the metaphor of apples representing men… and he asked my why I loved apples so much?

I had to pause and really think about this one, (hence the title) and the depth I found was actually quite religious in it’s tone. Quite. I thought, yes! This love with attachment is what hurts. It would do me well to reconnect with my source energy and stop mooning over him like he would be all the answers to my emptiness. Maybe he would be for a while, but then, when I’ve eaten his flesh and sucked him dry… then what…?

Back to the apple tree…

Can You Feel It? The Light Is Coming Back; A Solstice Message!

Can you? Can you feel the shifting energy?

Do you feel the motion in the air, the sense of change as the vibrations mesh, clash and realign?

You know that stuff is changing, is about to become apparent, is about to stun and amaze you, is about to manifest.

You’ve done the work right? You’ve bared your soul and cleansed your psyche of unwanted influences and bad thinking. Good. Then the rest is entirely out of your hands.

Bolster yourself. Get the things that make you happy (5HTP, new pants, cheese….) and set your rooms in order. (Hoover!!)

You are about to receive a visitation from the light. It returns with new energy and abundance, for you, for all.

The message is clear. Bide your time and keep your spirits up in whatever fashion you can reasonably manage.

The Solstice energies are gathering.

Holding_The_Moon_AW_Photo_1200px

Now is the time to let go of the past. Make a gesture to your spirit/soul/guide, whatever you call it. Just tell it out loud that you want to be happy this year, that you are willing to do what it takes to give yourself that gift.

If you’ve not made friends with yourself yet, tell yourself to your face in the mirror ‘I love you’. Don’t hold back looking at yourself. Exactly as you are…ageing and less pretty than yesterday….’I love you’. 

amazing digital art of a woman's back head and shoulders surrounded by peach and cream OM signs by adam white photography dorchester dorset uk british photographer in the south west

Let go of the need to seek approval and talk kindly to yourself now in the wee small hours when you are besieged with anxiety.

You are loved, no matter what. But no-one, I repeat NO-ONE is spared from the Dark Night….no matter their beauty or wealth or popularity. If you can see this with your own knowing eyes, then you can truly see our equality.

This is the Solstice message given to me to pass on to you.

May the light find you and never let you fade.

Sat Nam

(Truth is my name)

a meditating figure sits serenely amidst flowers and pink and blue clouds acrylic on canvas by phoebe thomasson

Here are your Sanity Claus top tips for Silly Season

Are you planning on staying sane this Christmas? Me too.

Here’s how I intend to do it….

ONE: I will give myself permission to do any and all the following…

  1. Fail: failure IS an option and it’s not a sack-able offence. In fact it can lead to greater creativity if we are light about it. If we have any anger towards it that’s ok. Be with that anger too. Just channel it into something creative.
  2. Succeed: I can succeed at anything I want if I notice when I am doing it well….does that make sense? Success comes in all shapes and forms. Staying calm is success, especially at the moment! Just make a mental note of when you are doing it right.
  3. Try: Trying has such a bad rap but it might work out useful in the right situation. Try to stay calm instead of flying off the handle…just….try….! If you fail, well go back to step one.
  4. Experiment: Definitely worth doing, but you’ve got to watch for results and be on the ball….don’t lose your head over this one! Say to yourself, “What would happen if….”
  5. Practice: Practice the things you know you want to do but you don’t know how to do them well enough for your satisfaction. Practice it and things might just happen. Practice everything…including staying calm!

TWO: I will be devastatingly honest with myself…

Don’t leave anything unexamined, even if it’s completely cringe-worthy. Try to let it all BE without needing to act-out, (unless the acting out feels good that is; that’s therapy!) There’s a fine line between cathartic therapeutic process and destructive compulsive childish behaviour; but it’s a mile wide in practice. Imagine you’re an actor. It’s about masks. Just be conscious and KEEP CHECKING INTO SELF AWARENESS (which only lives in the NOW by the way) and in time you can let the mask drop, revealing your amazing authentic self!

More Later…

Simply do a little at a time….

That’s the level thirty-three and a half place of mastery…

SOAR!!!

Happy Flight

😉

a complex pattern of black veins and outgrowths on a yellow background

Escape the Rabbit Hole of the Internet

If The Rabbit Hole IS The Internet then Lewis Carol was indeed the Shaman he seems to be judging by his visionary works. I’m of course referring to his masterpiece Alice in Wonderland; and how deep does it go…? Good question, and entirely unanswerable. The internet is something that has never existed in the known history of mankind and i think it’s important to remember this. I’ll tell you why in a bit.

I see the Internet as an external manifestation of the human mind. The real question though is when we realize that we are caught in it…as beautiful as the landscape might be, we do have real lives to attend to.

Lets face it head on. The internet is a drug, like caffeine, like cocaine, like sugar, like lack of sleep. Yep! Getting off it requires the same kind of discipline that any habit takes to kick.

We know when it’s taking over, but we may not have acknowledged this on a conscious level. So, really. Everyday we’ve got to be dead honest with ourselves about how far caught in Wonderland we are, and asking ourselves the question, relentlessly; “Is this serving me NOW!?” and if it’s time to come back TO BE DECISIVE about it and WALK AWAY…NOW!

Practice time!!! See You Later!

😉

Success: plant growing through the concrete by txpotato

The Failure of the Concrete is the Plant’s Success: The Benefits of Not Succeeding…

As a follow up to my post of the other day (here) I am quite keen to share my latest thoughts on failure and how useful it can be on the path to success. I would go so far as to say that failure is an essential part of success! In other words I don’t think we can succeed, fully and deeply until we have had our fair share of fails.

Why do I say this? Well apart from the fact that all the experts in the field agree with me 😉 I am also reaching my own conclusions quite independently based on my own experience, which has, funnily enough included bags of failure if I’m honest about it! I flunked art school, quit jobs, got the sack from other jobs, failed to complete numerous courses, went a few times to classes and never went back…you name it I’ve ‘failed’ at it. I even sucked at door to door sales…but to be honest it was the most horrendous experience of my life so it was good to fail at that! I’ve not even mentioned the numerous relationships that have gone by the by! Now that was much more painful but I still learnt a lot about myself.

Anyway. My point being, that as a result of trying all these things and somehow finding I lacked the requisite know-how/discipline/organization or personality traits (patience, kindness, understanding, humility et al) I am still here! I didn’t die of shame, (even though I felt it for a while) and that’s the main thing! Sometimes we cling so dearly to a thing we believe we must succeed at, (despite it not feeling good in the slightest) that we entirely miss the point of it all.

Now I’m not suggesting for a minute that we don’t apply ourselves to things or ‘work’ at them but there are things in life that just ain’t our thing. If it is our thing but we don’t yet know it, and we just need more expertise or experience, then dropping it for a while, if needs be, will only serve to show us that it is our thing after all.

If something is a good fit, it will always come back to us in one form or another. Even people we love can remain our friends despite not working on an intimate level if we are open to that…

The beautiful thing about failure is that when we get good at it, it is like an art form in its own right. It becomes a process of letting go, like falling off a log. When we need to let go, it is right to let go, but we don’t because we cling to this fear of ‘the fail’ and unwittingly we arrest our own development.

Our process depends on failure!!!

What I’m suggesting is that we allow our natural tendency to fail at things to guide us towards what we will excel at! I’m sure you know the Thomas Edison story as he tried to invent the light bulb? Well that’s all well and good but do we know how to fail with grace and good feeling…and then carry on? Notice how, unlike Edison I am not denying the ‘failure’ thing. For me it has been more useful to accept it for what it is and move on. But interestingly enough both attitudes can benefit us; I’m just giving an alternative version! Whatever you want to call it…it’s important to carry on! Just try approaching something in a new way or take a new attitude, if it’s your thing that is! I guess the light bulb really was his thing!

The Paradox Strikes…

I didn’t get it for ages. The paradoxical revelation came for me when I started acknowledging that I had failed and that I was all right with that. As I came to terms with my lack of ‘follow through’ it ceased to matter so much and as the skies of self-recrimination cleared, I could finally see that alongside the fails were a whole bunch if successes!

Self-awareness, self-knowing and understanding are some of my best assets now. I know what turns me on and what leaves me cold and I choose to flow with the river of bliss and not the trudge of duty…

By learning about myself I can now control my destiny…more so than ever. If I had doggedly stuck with the first ‘job’ that had come along I’d still be washing dishes in a potato bar….I’m glad I got the sack! I’m glad I quit! I’m glad I didn’t go back.

Now I am following a path of my choosing and learning something exciting everyday! Now that’s what I call success!

Courtesy of Belovodchenko Anton

New Thoughts: Letting go and changing track

The art of acceptance is getting more, well…acceptable in my camp.  This is sterling news I can tell you. Let me demonstrate how this transformation is manifesting right now; I’m sure you must have had this happen before too.

OK. I spent a bit of precious time today writing out a long comment on a blog and before I posted it in the final adjustments it just disappeared;  I mistakenly clicked a random link somewhere, and lo and behold the work is gone. After all that work I was, well, a little annoyed but the beautiful thing was that I came straight on here and started writing. I’ve decided to use that energy of frustration positively and do something right away. I might even create a page right now, listing all the things I was going to put on the comment. How about that? Why is that amazing?
Well the thing is that I know how I would have reacted a year ago; bellowing and hitting my palms on the desk or some other such over-reaction. It certainly wouldn’t have been that calm!

I am now starting to believe that the changes I’ve made recently, most especially in my diet, are transforming my reactions as well as just my body composition!
This is surprising considering I’ve only been ‘Primal’ for a couple of months now. No, I take it back; this is truly amazing! The scientist in me is doing cartwheels for I can now see solid results with my own eyes on levels beyond the physical. It seems that there is more to the Carbohydrate addiction than meets the eye.
For instance, our little boy is so much calmer without the processed apple syrup covered rice cakes and other ‘treats’ that we used to rely on to ‘calm him down’ or appease him. Now I can see we were unwittingly keeping him on a grain and fructose induced sugar high that was sending his little head spinning and therefore making his behaviour reasonably uncontrollable. We only noticed it when it (his brain) was running out of fuel!! This is a child who has been brought up on practically no sugar (we thought!). God only knows what other kids are like on fizzy drinks and the like! I mean this was a humble rice cake or ten!

Sometime things are not meant to happen in the way we think they should, and that’s the inevitable part of life that the ‘angry’ perfectionist will just not accept.

Now I can see that the fuel I was choosing was not only ‘feeding’ this destructive tendency, but actively joining the dots to make it an explosive outlet for pent up and excessive ‘backlog’ of energy that was not being used constructively.

Now I no longer feel driven or ambitious, but I do feel inspired and productive!

Now I no longer feel I’m fighting my way through treacle town, but I do now feel muscles working in my legs and a fleetness of foot previously unknown.

Now I no longer feel myself fatigued by social encounters, but I do feel energized and excited in a nice way.

Can all this happen because of a change of diet? Well yes. They say you are what you eat. If you eat quick burning fuel (sugar, starch) then you’re going to be what ever you already are, but quicker.  It turns out I was always quick, despite what my art teacher thought!! Bitch!

Ahem. Excuse me…

My point is that I still get angry like normal people do, however, there is a shift in quality. It is now somehow grounded, almost ironic if you know what I mean, and also strangely humorous! In other words, when I catch myself ‘being angry’ I can see my inner Buddha nodding and chuckling. This is such a transformation.

My rage of before used to be searing, dangerous and downright depressing in it’s desire to destroy and inflict pain. I have never felt so relieved to see a part of me transform than this.

So no, sometimes when things go ‘wrong’  we must remember that things are destined to go wrong (for this is Samsara remember!) but let it not be us that is the thing going wrong eh? That isn’t the way it’s supposed to be at all! We are supposed to stand in the field of life with our hair dangling in the wind as we walk between the tracks of wheat we will never eat, simply enjoying the walk and the feel of nature about us.

The art is in letting it go and changing your track…then keep on walking!

Namaste

For more about living a Primal lifestyle and eating a very healthy low carb diet visit this fantastic site…

www.marksdailyapple.com

Photo Courtesy of Belovodchenko Anton

a purple feather glows with power amidst a smoky blue background the representation of freedom original painting by uk artist phoebe thomasson

Light as a feather…well nearly…

Yay! I’ve got about eight or nine carrier bags all taped up (important tip for de-clutterers) by the door and ready to go to the charity shop tomorrow. It was tough but the moon was obviously in the right place because it was possible.

Many days I just go into a needy daze of attachment and can’t bring myself to get rid of anything. My nan (who lives with us now) commented on my endeavours saying I wouldn’t have anything left. I couldn’t explain how wrong she was. Not only have I got a tonne more clothing I’ve actually got some space too! ha!

Even my friend has got on the letting go path but she ruined it somewhat by offering me her dresser…oh now I’ve got to consider it and the possibilities of where it could go. I’ve still not sorted out the furniture collecting, obviously. But it’s all a jolly good start and I’ve got some new updated stuff coming from eBay this week to replace all the worn out stuff I inherited years ago.

Well I didn’t say I was going to achieve this overnight and anyway, minimalism isn’t about living with tatty stuff! Justify, justify. I’ll get over it one day.

Shopping Junkie

Over and under

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