Why Do I Like Apples…so much?

If Apples = Men

I like Apples because:

I seek nourishment; because I am wired to; They help me know myself…They are delicious, food, natures medicine, full of nutrients, sunlight and vital forces…

Because I am Eve.
It is my lot to love an Apple!
Because from the Dawn of Time
I have known Apples to be
the source of my existence
and this is my sin!
My confusion, my knowing
that blocks out the One Central Thing
that makes me cover myself in shame;
The thing is
that I forgot that
The Apple is NOT GOD;
but the fruit of knowing God in man!
But I must learn this lesson well;
for many years, have I been deluded
By God; that Father,
God, that Son,
and I… The Ghost!
the mere ghost…
I set myself to wandering
alone in the desert,
no mortal man to hold me;
Inviolable, untouchable in my torment.

I sought for the apple tree within
and found only you, you and
you, again…
But you are NOT GOD
So how can I be SO mistaken?

So I know GOD through Apples
but do I know, can I know GOD
directly, by my own lights?
Can I come, finally, naked
open handed, surrendered
and say
God, I looked for you everywhere
But I found only Apples!
They are sweet but they are not you,
and I am mere Mortal;
Wounded and seeking
comfort.

This Apple would only feed me
for so long, but I seek
life eternal, life beyond life
I seek your Source now;
only you.
I no longer seek Apples.
They are what they are;
They appear, are eaten
or being eaten by other insects
and I feel abundant.
But there is only one
after all…
The Apple Tree itself belongs to You!

March 28th 2017

I wrote this after a long and painful night letting go my attachment to a friend. I love him dearly but it is not time for us to go beyond the simplicity of friendship. I accept this, though it hurts me greatly. I’m sure the pain is cleansing. Ouch. Healing HURTS!!!

Earlier in the day whilst we were hanging out he looked for a bag of apples and couldn’t find them. Later he told me he had found them after all. I said I wanted his apple! Ha! Anyway, we played with the metaphor of apples representing men… and he asked my why I loved apples so much?

I had to pause and really think about this one, (hence the title) and the depth I found was actually quite religious in it’s tone. Quite. I thought, yes! This love with attachment is what hurts. It would do me well to reconnect with my source energy and stop mooning over him like he would be all the answers to my emptiness. Maybe he would be for a while, but then, when I’ve eaten his flesh and sucked him dry… then what…?

Back to the apple tree…

close up of a bryophyte a green moss type plant

Snapshot; End of 2016: Stream of Consciousness ‘Happenings’ Word List…

So what has 2016 really been about for me? Here is a list which appears endless and in no particular order but will trigger memories as I write and re-read.

Pushing boundaries and buttons; Dealing with old emotions and learning to let them go (Letting Go, by David R. Hawkins) Music revival, overcoming limitations, revealing my [true] self, becoming whole, letting things be as they are, accepting myself, Dreams and dreaming, Shamanic practices; Owning my Shadow; Pushing the envelope; producing work; Showing work; Expansion; relinquishing fears;  Exploring Sexuality; Healing old wounds; Expression; Ego development; Going beyond ego; Accepting ego; Allowing personality; Medicine plants; Persistence; Perseverance; Projects; Flying; Feet on the ground, head in the stars; Websites, Technology, uses of technology, Boundaries with technology, turning it off, turning it on; Exploring Eroticism, Energy work; Fun; Friends; Social time; Jamming; Modelling; Painting, body painting, photography, film video, editing, aligning; Playing music and games; Imaginary stories; Inner travels; Seeing, Instruments; Talent; Practices; Spontaneity; Goals; Desire; Speaking up; Risking, YouTube, Vimeo; Apps; iPhone; Connections; Polyamory; Learning; Including, centring, focus, being peaceful, sharing; Home Education, unschooling; Difference; Troubadours; Singing; Voice; Chakras; Spirit Guides; People; Politics; Death, dying, caring, dementia, help; Reaching out; Asking (The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer); Chemistry, elements, Periodic table, Maps, globe, geography, children play dates, groups, Facebook, Patreon, intimacy, silence, health, cancer, accidents, sickness, tolerance, sacred space, energies, psychic activities, intuition, listening, heeding, responding, reactivity, time/ no-time, science, quantum knowing, quantum physics, engineering, fixing, mending, throwing away, decluttering, attachment, cleansing, toxins, food, responsibility, home, heart, feelings, positive, negative, magnetism, surrender, Redemption/Redemptive Love, service, emergencies, coping, perspective, support, choices, empathy, limits, rights, reprehensibility, celebrations, drinking, smoking, alcohol, nicotine, magic, mushrooms, walks, nature, connection, foraging, gathering, collective, tribes, gang, den, fires, wood burners, wood, axes, garden camping, collective, printing, t-shirts, clothes, style, mirrors, image, makeup, face paint, dance, trance, Shamanic journeying, autonomy, Spirit Guides, guidance, meditation, yoga, experimentation, states of mind, psychedelic, experiences, Art Exhibition, Dorset, arts, public, space, invasion, happiness, art business, discipline, marketing, failing, learning, winning……

Letting go.

Ah. That’s life Jim. But not as we know it… its’ just words. The love is in the living and I’ve been growing happier this year. All is well, and all manner of things shall be well.

Sail on into a new leaf of life….Blessed be in 2017. x

a red headed woman holds a seedling sprout and contemplates destiny
Spirit of Nature

www.ptartworks.com