Why Do I Like Apples…so much?

If Apples = Men

I like Apples because:

I seek nourishment; because I am wired to; They help me know myself…They are delicious, food, natures medicine, full of nutrients, sunlight and vital forces…

Because I am Eve.
It is my lot to love an Apple!
Because from the Dawn of Time
I have known Apples to be
the source of my existence
and this is my sin!
My confusion, my knowing
that blocks out the One Central Thing
that makes me cover myself in shame;
The thing is
that I forgot that
The Apple is NOT GOD;
but the fruit of knowing God in man!
But I must learn this lesson well;
for many years, have I been deluded
By God; that Father,
God, that Son,
and I… The Ghost!
the mere ghost…
I set myself to wandering
alone in the desert,
no mortal man to hold me;
Inviolable, untouchable in my torment.

I sought for the apple tree within
and found only you, you and
you, again…
But you are NOT GOD
So how can I be SO mistaken?

So I know GOD through Apples
but do I know, can I know GOD
directly, by my own lights?
Can I come, finally, naked
open handed, surrendered
and say
God, I looked for you everywhere
But I found only Apples!
They are sweet but they are not you,
and I am mere Mortal;
Wounded and seeking
comfort.

This Apple would only feed me
for so long, but I seek
life eternal, life beyond life
I seek your Source now;
only you.
I no longer seek Apples.
They are what they are;
They appear, are eaten
or being eaten by other insects
and I feel abundant.
But there is only one
after all…
The Apple Tree itself belongs to You!

March 28th 2017

I wrote this after a long and painful night letting go my attachment to a friend. I love him dearly but it is not time for us to go beyond the simplicity of friendship. I accept this, though it hurts me greatly. I’m sure the pain is cleansing. Ouch. Healing HURTS!!!

Earlier in the day whilst we were hanging out he looked for a bag of apples and couldn’t find them. Later he told me he had found them after all. I said I wanted his apple! Ha! Anyway, we played with the metaphor of apples representing men… and he asked my why I loved apples so much?

I had to pause and really think about this one, (hence the title) and the depth I found was actually quite religious in it’s tone. Quite. I thought, yes! This love with attachment is what hurts. It would do me well to reconnect with my source energy and stop mooning over him like he would be all the answers to my emptiness. Maybe he would be for a while, but then, when I’ve eaten his flesh and sucked him dry… then what…?

Back to the apple tree…

Stupid

When we are judged as stupid
It is because we are feared,
hated or reviled and thereby
found to be threatening.

Perhaps for our ebullience (yes, and)
I think probably for our
ability to be happy and carefree (too).
Most definitely for out
child-like demeanour
our innocent joy
our creative boldness.

What seems like such a beautiful thing
can be tarnished by the very one’s
who purport to love us.

So don’t fear the label
Embrace it, as any judgement
As a rite of passage;
We know, we have touched someone
deeper than they themselves can go
for that reason
Have compassion
for the haters
The mud slinger’s
and the name callers
The labellers and
The righteous Judges
for they are far
from home.

P. Thomasson
30th March 2016

This poem was sparked by the question “But I feel so good; so why do I think I’m stupid?”
Upon analysis, feeling good always brings with it, this judgement of being stupid. But who gave it me? That was the deeper more intriguing question.

I still feel stupid, but I won’t take it so personally.

 

Navigating Duality

In this video I cover the following subjects:

  • Challenging religious structure
  • Approaching duality
  • Letting go of crutches
  • Taking responsibility
  • The mind attic
  • Emotion, Psyche, Shadow
  • Wildish Self
  • Dark Goddess
  • Radical truisms
  • Evolution of our psychology
  • Labels & opposites
  • Feelings
  • Information overload
  • Love & limerence
  • Game changing relationships
  • Narcissism
  • Law of Attraction

 

amazing digital art of a woman's back head and shoulders surrounded by peach and cream OM signs by adam white photography dorchester dorset uk british photographer in the south west

Poet

I dream of standing
speaking my words 
from soul song
into your eyes,
direct line
from mine;
channels open
beneath me
is my heart,
throbbing
lust into my words.

I dream of standing
alone in the void
uncluttered
at ease,
a million to one
chance of
survival
embodied, 
emboldened
by you
and you
joined.

What am I doing?
here it is again
that 'run out' feeling
where am I?
escaping to
the inner countryside
where my cottage in the sun
waits patiently
for me
to flee
the city's gravity.

Its ok
I'm fine!
my feet firmly planted
this time,
this song
all mine.

I rival her
but with a twist
for rivalry
is not really my style at all
is there something I've missed?
It's more of a sharing 
a collective bean-bag of thought
each thought is a tiny polystyrene bead
like quick silver
it weight something
is highly toxic (to most)
and endlessly alluring

only the experience
need apply
for the position
'poet'.

Rising Tide (Party at The End of Time)

I woke just now from dreaming
The feeling was desolate…

Have you ever felt
Like it was the end of the world?
Did you see the party
At the end of time?
Were your loved ones there
And your brother too?
It was my nephew who was by my side.
Or was it my son grown up?

Can’t seem to shake off the flood
The waters rose when she came after me
We tried swimming in the dark
Party over I chose to leave early
Strike my own path back to base camp
Before the dawn we were up to our necks
In the flood waters do we swim?

Stay up on higher ground
My waking self says get up
Get up out the water
The water is emotions drowning you
You can swim but it is cold
And will only tire you out
But in the dark its hard to know
What to do so me and him we swim
He’s been bitten by what?

I hugged my dad at the party
Does he even remember me?
Do the dead remember who they were?
Who they were is who they are to the living
Enduring memories serve as anchors
We keep your ashes in a box
Should we set you free on the earth?
Do you want to be free?

Stay up on higher ground
Climb on the tables
Forget and let her be.
Dark waters in the night
Do we swim in you safely?

The bar man offered me cheap drinks as he was closing
But they were no cheaper
Only faster. Urgency nearly making the choice
Not wise to guzzle your drink down
Leave the party early to the other end of town.

We saw the waters rising
It was like a tap left on
The door was a dam
Keeping it rising
Stop mesmerising
Get up onto higher ground.

Rise.

My old friend she scorned me
Then let me know her pain
I said yes I share your agony
But know of many remedies
She looked awkward in her skin
I remember her as graceful
Time and pain had taken their toll
I saw we were no different
In our weirdness
Sisters together
Then she disappeared again.

My uncle dancing like a gangster
Mod clean cuts and grey pin suit
I stood at the balcony with you
Beautiful young man
I’m old enough to be your mother
Are you my son?
What do you see by my side?
How can we hold back this tide?
Stay on higher ground.

Rise and shine.
Shine up and rise like the phoenix
He smiles at me
Staying by my side in the rising tide.

We swim.