Finding my Super Elegant Loving Force (S.E.L.F)

I’m getting really good at wading through emotional, mental and cognitive shit. Somehow I am surviving and coming out the other side better than before I went in. It feels amazing!

Wading through shit…that’s called being human; it’s what we do…

The wading process appears to be feeding me. In a way it’s part of who I am and how I function; to get into a mess, and have to figure a way through.

The shit wading process brings out all sorts of character traits; the lover of challenges and the inventor of approaches, the researcher of ideas and the consoler of lost dreams. It’s all there.

I love it!!!….even though I hate being in it.

I must do because I keep attracting it!

Probably something like you.

The important question to ask ourselves is whether we are sinking, floating, or wading, and why?

Ducky_Birds_acrylic_on_canvas_painting_PT_Art
Are we floating of sinking in our own waters?

I’ve learnt a lot recently from friends and family, books and other things…

  • I’ve learnt that I often get so caught up in my own head that I forget to listen and that really pisses people off.
  • I’ve learnt that selfishness isn’t as bad as it’s cracked up to be and in fact is grossly misunderstood as a term.
  • I’ve learnt that putting others first can be detrimental to your health when you are ‘sacrificing’ your own needs. I don’t like martyrs and neither should you.
  • I’ve learnt that it’s OK to be a pain in the ass…sometimes; as long as there is a good reason, and you are aware of it. Otherwise you are just being an ass-hole and acting from your emotional baggage.

Sometimes we’ve just got to focus on ourselves for a while, or for ever. Sometimes we have to be selfish, or ‘concerned with our own interests‘ in order to function right. If we don’t function within the bounds of our own nature, then we are unhappy humans trying to be a shape we are not.

I am now debunking all sorts of old programming that would have me trying to fit into a square hole, when obviously I’m round.

They don’t make round squares, or square circles….

acrylic on board abstract painting of black and white bubbles on a green background by contemporary artist phoebe thomasson

So I was never really a square after all; just a repressed and terrified round thing with no inner sense of direction. That’s modern life for you.

Fuck you! modern life for making me scared….deep down, you know what I’m talking about….right?

These are lonely times, and it’s acceptable to use whatever we can at our disposal, within reason, to help us through.

Loneliness is a killer and it’s imperative to master the art of vulnerability and reach out through the walls of our partitioned lives and into one another’s hearts and minds. Trust me, it’s not as bad as you think!

Reaching out always makes me feel better immediately, even if no-one replies, it’s that act of courage that makes all the difference. If there is a loving and friendly reply, then so much the better, but it’s the reaching out that counts.

But we want to feel heard too.

I am done with guilt and shame for needing certain things, and for my weaknesses.

I am now striving to find, and live in, my zone of genius (see Gay Hendricks for more on that).

I am working on finding my S.E.L.F. (Super, Elegant, Loving, Force)

To intimately know the S.E.L.F. and to accept it…perchance to…well, love it, is hard work!!

To live as the Super Elegant Loving Force that we truly are, requires some kind of surrender, the choice to do so, and the dropping of much baggage, just because we can. It’s an art, for sure.

Some of it can only be done in thought, carefully picking our way through our faulty assumptions about life.

The word and deed results come later.

I must be patient…and diligent.

It will come.

turquoise and yellow ochre textured paint with hand print and bird motifs
The Birds and Bees; acrylic on canvas
Heavenly_Bodies_acrylic
Heavenly Bodies; acrylic on canvas
bare tree stands against clear blue winter sky majestic and strong
Naked Tree; acrylic on canvas
a frond unfurls amidst a neon pink background surrounded by an aura of gold acrylic painting by phoebe thomasson
Pitcher Plant; mixed media on canvas
a purple and blue feather on a misty blue background
Shaman’s Feather; oil on canvas (sold)
link to the art shop and gallery of phoebe thomasson artist
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photo of a strip of light on foliage by phoebe thomasson

What Does Being in Balance Mean?

It might be easier to start with what it doesn’t mean…

  1. It doesn’t mean being ‘perfect’; either our generic idea of what perfect ‘is’ and ‘does’ or what our culture may laud as the present ‘perfection’.
  2. It is not about being a model, physically or otherwise.
  3. It does not mean unchanging or static, unresponsive, dogmatic, programmed or reactive.

So from this we can more easily see that it does mean…

  1. Being the best of what we, personally, are capable of being at any given moment with respect to our personal attributes, circumstances, conditions and predilections.
  2. Fulfilling our own criteria for ‘goodness’ and ‘decency’ that may not depend on any external source of approval or expectation.
  3. Constant and consistent adjustment to each new moment’s challenge, each event or situation.
  4. Being flexible and intelligent as we may have to compensate as we create new patterns moving forward.

Key words:

FLEXIBLE, DYNAMIC, INTEGRAL, NATURAL, ELASTIC, DANCING, RESPONSIVE, RECEPTIVE, FREE, SPONTANEOUS, CREATIVE, CYCLIC…

Perhaps this is why we so look up to the artists in our culture. They actively practice living and being these attributes. That is what being an artist is about. That’s not to say that artist’s are perfect (remember!) but they do demonstrate how to be, for maximum joy and fulfilment on planet earth. The artist spends her time mimicking and maintaining the rhythms of growth and renewal as set out for us by the natural world.

NATURE! There is our muse. Keep an eye on the seasons and get a feel for the cyclic patterns. This is our blueprint for balance.

a meditating figure sits serenely amidst flowers and pink and blue clouds acrylic on canvas by phoebe thomasson

Here are your Sanity Claus top tips for Silly Season

Are you planning on staying sane this Christmas? Me too.

Here’s how I intend to do it….

ONE: I will give myself permission to do any and all the following…

  1. Fail: failure IS an option and it’s not a sack-able offence. In fact it can lead to greater creativity if we are light about it. If we have any anger towards it that’s ok. Be with that anger too. Just channel it into something creative.
  2. Succeed: I can succeed at anything I want if I notice when I am doing it well….does that make sense? Success comes in all shapes and forms. Staying calm is success, especially at the moment! Just make a mental note of when you are doing it right.
  3. Try: Trying has such a bad rap but it might work out useful in the right situation. Try to stay calm instead of flying off the handle…just….try….! If you fail, well go back to step one.
  4. Experiment: Definitely worth doing, but you’ve got to watch for results and be on the ball….don’t lose your head over this one! Say to yourself, “What would happen if….”
  5. Practice: Practice the things you know you want to do but you don’t know how to do them well enough for your satisfaction. Practice it and things might just happen. Practice everything…including staying calm!

TWO: I will be devastatingly honest with myself…

Don’t leave anything unexamined, even if it’s completely cringe-worthy. Try to let it all BE without needing to act-out, (unless the acting out feels good that is; that’s therapy!) There’s a fine line between cathartic therapeutic process and destructive compulsive childish behaviour; but it’s a mile wide in practice. Imagine you’re an actor. It’s about masks. Just be conscious and KEEP CHECKING INTO SELF AWARENESS (which only lives in the NOW by the way) and in time you can let the mask drop, revealing your amazing authentic self!

More Later…

Simply do a little at a time….

That’s the level thirty-three and a half place of mastery…

SOAR!!!

Happy Flight

😉

heavenly bodies

I love to meditate and I got into Buddhism in the past few years therefore the Buddha shape (and the lotus) has found it’s way into many a painting. However, I always used to paint big fat Venus of Willendorf goddess shapes so really it could be either. The sun and the moon are obvious motifs and together they form a kind of cosmic trinity. I adore this painting for the layering I’ve managed to achieved. My inspiration for this was Raina Gentry. Go check! But do come back; I’ll be jealous if you don’t!!! 😉

Copyright © Phoebe Thomasson 2014

Courtesy of Belovodchenko Anton

New Thoughts: Letting go and changing track

The art of acceptance is getting more, well…acceptable in my camp.  This is sterling news I can tell you. Let me demonstrate how this transformation is manifesting right now; I’m sure you must have had this happen before too.

OK. I spent a bit of precious time today writing out a long comment on a blog and before I posted it in the final adjustments it just disappeared;  I mistakenly clicked a random link somewhere, and lo and behold the work is gone. After all that work I was, well, a little annoyed but the beautiful thing was that I came straight on here and started writing. I’ve decided to use that energy of frustration positively and do something right away. I might even create a page right now, listing all the things I was going to put on the comment. How about that? Why is that amazing?
Well the thing is that I know how I would have reacted a year ago; bellowing and hitting my palms on the desk or some other such over-reaction. It certainly wouldn’t have been that calm!

I am now starting to believe that the changes I’ve made recently, most especially in my diet, are transforming my reactions as well as just my body composition!
This is surprising considering I’ve only been ‘Primal’ for a couple of months now. No, I take it back; this is truly amazing! The scientist in me is doing cartwheels for I can now see solid results with my own eyes on levels beyond the physical. It seems that there is more to the Carbohydrate addiction than meets the eye.
For instance, our little boy is so much calmer without the processed apple syrup covered rice cakes and other ‘treats’ that we used to rely on to ‘calm him down’ or appease him. Now I can see we were unwittingly keeping him on a grain and fructose induced sugar high that was sending his little head spinning and therefore making his behaviour reasonably uncontrollable. We only noticed it when it (his brain) was running out of fuel!! This is a child who has been brought up on practically no sugar (we thought!). God only knows what other kids are like on fizzy drinks and the like! I mean this was a humble rice cake or ten!

Sometime things are not meant to happen in the way we think they should, and that’s the inevitable part of life that the ‘angry’ perfectionist will just not accept.

Now I can see that the fuel I was choosing was not only ‘feeding’ this destructive tendency, but actively joining the dots to make it an explosive outlet for pent up and excessive ‘backlog’ of energy that was not being used constructively.

Now I no longer feel driven or ambitious, but I do feel inspired and productive!

Now I no longer feel I’m fighting my way through treacle town, but I do now feel muscles working in my legs and a fleetness of foot previously unknown.

Now I no longer feel myself fatigued by social encounters, but I do feel energized and excited in a nice way.

Can all this happen because of a change of diet? Well yes. They say you are what you eat. If you eat quick burning fuel (sugar, starch) then you’re going to be what ever you already are, but quicker.  It turns out I was always quick, despite what my art teacher thought!! Bitch!

Ahem. Excuse me…

My point is that I still get angry like normal people do, however, there is a shift in quality. It is now somehow grounded, almost ironic if you know what I mean, and also strangely humorous! In other words, when I catch myself ‘being angry’ I can see my inner Buddha nodding and chuckling. This is such a transformation.

My rage of before used to be searing, dangerous and downright depressing in it’s desire to destroy and inflict pain. I have never felt so relieved to see a part of me transform than this.

So no, sometimes when things go ‘wrong’  we must remember that things are destined to go wrong (for this is Samsara remember!) but let it not be us that is the thing going wrong eh? That isn’t the way it’s supposed to be at all! We are supposed to stand in the field of life with our hair dangling in the wind as we walk between the tracks of wheat we will never eat, simply enjoying the walk and the feel of nature about us.

The art is in letting it go and changing your track…then keep on walking!

Namaste

For more about living a Primal lifestyle and eating a very healthy low carb diet visit this fantastic site…

www.marksdailyapple.com

Photo Courtesy of Belovodchenko Anton