The Power That Rules my Fate…

Darkness or light? That is the choice, always. What we choose will be dependent on our attitude, our programming, our upbringing. There is always an opportunity for healing, wherever we shine our light. Sure, we will be hounded by the Darkside until we face it head on. That is our work. That is the only mission that really counts.

This Incantation is from The Eagles Gift, by Carlos Castaneda

“I am already given to the power that rules my fate,
and I cling to nothing, so I will have nothing to defend.
I have no thoughts, so I will see.
I fear nothing, so I will remember myself.
Detached and at ease, I will dart past the Eagle
to be free.”

You may need this when you embark upon your descent into the underworld!

May The Force Be With You….Always!

Got A Bad Mood?

I have to credit Carl Gustav Jung with the original quote which was as follows.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”

I read it in a book and it stuck but I’ve paraphrased it because it is so spot on. How many times in daily life do we reach for the outside option to make ourselves feel better?

Anyway, please check out my video above and perhaps see you around a little.

Thanks for your visit.

Phoebe

ūüôā

Header photo artwork by:

ADAM WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY

To see my art:

PHOEBE THOMASSON ARTWORKS

Jaguar Medicine: Power to Confront Death…

“In the darkness¬†we may fear¬†all manner of things¬†that in the¬†light of day¬†are really nothing…”

Journal entry

Jaguar In The Woods

It is time to die
Time to release that which no longer serves me
My spirit is crying out for restoration
So I go into the woods in search of Jaguar…

I wield the sacred power of courage, held in my heart;
remembered through my tools;
The rattle, the paint brush, my voice, my dancing…

art_shaman_6

Courage takes me to my fear, face to face now we dance
I come down from my tree, stalking my terror, my prey
harnessing the medicine of life and death I say,

‘Give Me Back My Self!’

Jaguar flows through me now
with the grace of an assassin
fear yields to the touch of the brush on my face
warpaint on; I am hunting
I snake through the densely packed forest of my mind.

Snaring my fear I make the final blow
severing it’s life blood with my jaws
clenched in the bloody death of that which will now feed me.

As I die to my fearful self
power surges forward
for an instant I am transported
into lives past, unlived by me
the clench envelopes me now
curious in its transport
I let it go
as I let go to feel
myself
pure
being.

art_shaman_2

I surrender once again
to the flow of moments
called life
moving now from within my limbs
spirit urges me, and
messages from silent voices
follow me
the ancients?
I stand erect
fearless again
and take upon me
that which is truly mine…

The power of Great Spirit…
Jaguar is home.

P.Thomasson
Dorset Oct 16th 2016

 

Photography by

ADAM

¬†For More…

ART

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Help I’m Broken! Where’s My Band Aid?

I’m in creative surgery with myself right now…let me explain;
It’s been a tough week with one thing and another, you know how it is….you are on a high getting things done, enjoying company, organizing stuff, moving furniture, and mountains….y’know, the normal spring day when you feel like you could eat the hind leg off a donkey because it’s spring and you can’t get enough of anything….yeah, that kind of day. Well….
And then you come tumbling down of your mountain high…after you’ve just moved the damn thing, and your all torn up at the bottom, ripped to shreds by the fall and exhausted by the climb.
Also, there’s a boulder on your head the size of Colorado and you have only one finger left and you are pointing it at your nearest loved one because obviously they are the source of all your agony. Right?
You know the kind of day I mean?
It takes a while to manifest this kind of day. Weeks of preparation and a slow erosion of the carefully crafted diet, the creeping sleep deprivation and the feeding of the over-excitement devil with sugar laden commercial chocolate and stupid food like bread….yum.
No! BAD! very bad….oh and the beating…you gotta get a good beating or two….
Sigh.
Back to the painting then. And the walking. And the Primal diet and the early nights, and the expressing your feelings as they come up instead of putting them all into a bottle and chucking them overboard.
I’ll start with the early night I think.
We all got to start somewhere!

Stupid

When we are judged as stupid
It is because we are feared,
hated or reviled and thereby
found to be threatening.

Perhaps for our ebullience (yes, and)
I think probably for our
ability to be happy and carefree (too).
Most definitely for out
child-like demeanour
our innocent joy
our creative boldness.

What seems like such a beautiful thing
can be tarnished by the very one’s
who purport to love us.

So don’t fear the label
Embrace it, as any judgement
As a rite of passage;
We know, we have touched someone
deeper than they themselves can go
for that reason
Have compassion
for the haters
The mud slinger’s
and the name callers
The labellers and
The righteous Judges
for they are far
from home.

P. Thomasson
30th March 2016

This poem was sparked by the question “But I feel so good; so why do I think I’m stupid?”
Upon analysis, feeling good always brings with it, this judgement of being stupid. But who gave it me? That was the deeper more intriguing question.

I still feel stupid, but I won’t take it so personally.

 

a woman sits surrounded by words with buddha next to her

Word Soup

It appears an unfortunate fact that the more I fly free in my ways, and embrace my powers of intellect and conversation, that the effect produced within you is one of insecurity and an appearance of being squashed. Hence the ability to relax and enjoy company whilst feeling thus threatened is marred and overshadowed by ones habitual response in blaming the other for being not desirable In ones behaviour. In you I perceive a disapproval that is brought forth by your struggles to stay connected to a flowing river of words that spew forth from my mouth, which has upon me the effect to feel further in the wrong way of things and defensive of my position as free woman enjoying my respect given freely by friends, but not by you, although you would argue otherwise because though the effects of my [not at you] focus are to feel like a [dis-empowerment], you are at once stuck in your own conundrum whether and how to extract yourself from said feeling of diminished comfort and confidence into a blame that would be inappropriate given the very nature of blame which is to shut down the other with a label of wrongness attached. I know you do not seek to fetter me but there must be some compensation for you in a night’s accommodation of friends whom you must also enjoy the company of so it comes to that which I can only say that I shamelessly dominated the said conversation [the night] and you being of more altruistic nature let me take centre stage with little regard for your own well-being. In this I can only fault you for your lack of confidence against my domination and say that without your countering me I will most willingly hold court without recourse to your opinion in any matter should you choose to allow me without interruption or battle for place. Or feel confident in my love for you which you plainly do not, in the absence of affection which you cannot.

Or I could just shut the fuck up and listen to YOU!

image of a mans face with slightly deranged eyes title fragile brain pen and ink sketch with words by uk contemporary artist phoebe thomasson

It may be Hellish, but at least I’m here!

Recovery isn’t all about getting better. It’s also about adjusting, changing, accepting and releasing. We can need multiple processes to happen before we start to feel better in the way we desire to.

Just to give you an idea how this applies in the real world here is an insight into my current little drama.

Somehow, due to numerous factors I’ve manage to put my back out good and proper. I’ve been to the chiropractor and there is a loosening in process. I think in terms of blocked energy because after years of practical healing and recovery from multiple things, I now know it counts, and is real. Think life force/prana/chi or whatever vibes with you.

OK. So I identified my little psychological process that has been activated into my awareness. Here it is and goes something like this.

  • long term illness means you are cut off from previous modes of functioning.
  • we adjust our world accordingly and create our own alternatives.
  • life becomes a reflection of our ‘own little world’.
  • we recover! yay!
  • we come up against the need to ‘re-enter’ the rest of the world or the ‘real’ version of it.
  • we resist because we quite like it here.
  • we know this world and have lost the ability to be anything else so why not just stay?
  • we create something else to distract us from the growth process.
  • more pain!
  • yay! pain works a treat…it’s a different part of the body which is quite a change, I think I can continue to be dysfunctional after all!
  • Wait a minute! did I just say that?
  • Goddam it…I’m going to beat this things too!
  • And so we strive….

Onward we go and heal the next malady. But did we stop to consider why we create all this hassle? Here’s one perspective, for when you are into having a philosophical musing…

I believe illness teaches us more about compassion, resilience, tenacity, honesty, strength, weakness, reaching out, friends, loved ones, family, challenges, love, life and humanity than being a super-I-never-get-sick kind of guy ever will.

My dad was one of those and within a year he was dead with Cancer.

I’m ok with my bad back thanks…at least I’m alive.

 

Weather Front…a Poem

Photo Credit: Roger Kirby
Cold
Heat
I'm at the junction 
where the weather fronts meet
Clashing, stress rising 
like milk boiling over
Cruel, cool knife edge cutting 
through the desperation of 
a mind gone sour
Too tired to function
love's left this heart
Compassion, strained
this anger ingrained
Got to take a deep breath and 
press 'restart'!
No shame in this game just 
stop and start again...
Again, again I hear 
the refrain slow down 
and chill life's been handing 
you a bitter pill 
But you must rise
Brighter thoughts 
than this can inhabit your 
emotional skies
Even in motion you have 
the balm
The healing potion
Just get the notion
Volcanoes must erupt
its not that you're corrupt
so let it go, set 
'go with the flow' on your sat-nav
There are those who have 
less grace than this
no need to stress about 
the hit and miss
Nature of reality 
the moons and changing tides
Respond, react to inner rhythm 
This is where your mystery resides
 
Searching for balance 
in the motion of events
Like surfing 
we learn to take the rough 
and tumble, the mundane 
mixed with intense
Trying to find 
mindful presence 
in a storm of 
compassion versus anger
Aggression 
gnawing at me 
like a dog 
with a bone
Just let me lie 
down...
Take me home.



Photo Credit: Roger Kirby



Handling the new moon with grace

The new moon. The dark moon. What, if anything does this signify to you?

To me it engenders the Yin energies of our cycle and is, in essence, a time of emptying and letting go. Being more responsive and yielding are the character signatures of the Yin side of our nature. After studying my own behaviour at this time I believe I have found the key energies representative of this period.

The skill is in learning to express the positive aspects of things as there is always a choice. For that we must acknowledge our own feelings toward moon phases and anything else for that matter! This is an invitation for you to dig in and excavate your own truths. It’s aim is to stimulate self inquiry.

These are my personal findings offered in the spirit of sharing that you may uncover your unique approach…

This is a collection of intuitive guidelines designed to be used around the week of the new moon, both before and after. It will soon expand as you add your own understandings. I am very interested to hear how they work for you and what happens when you try my suggestions.

The Dark Moon Protocol
(five day period)

It would be better to go with the flow at these times and not resist the desire to try new and refreshing things but only if they are part of the natural course of the flow. Now is not the time to force anything. Gently coax things and be prepared to let things start and stop sporadically if they need to.

Now can be a great time to make dynamic changes but not by inputting more information. By sitting in contemplation we can bring forth the seeds of what has already been sown. Now is the time for gestation of new ideas. We must plant and water those seeds and warm them with our kind attention.

Now is the time for releasing output. Favor writing over reading. Sitting and writing out thoughts and lists of things that are running around our head is a good way to clear the decks for the new growth coming. It is best to follow the urge to purge at this time. It is a time of preparation. You don’t need to do the list, just make it. Don’t leave any area unaccounted for.

Releasing things on any level is a great dark moon practice. Taking old things to the charity shop, allowing emotional issues to drop and forgiving our friends are three examples. Let go of the need to fill up the mind but instead turn to the body and make sure it is getting all the nutritional support needed. Also make time for nourishment of the spirit. Now is not the time to skimp on activities that nurture and support your growth.

Engaging in gentle physical activity and being peaceful is favourable to study and work related projects. Anything that brings peace and tranquillity is reflecting the nature of the moon at this time. Stay well hydrated and eat for health and comfort. Now is not the time for fasting or regimes that favour austerity.

Music at this time should be relaxed and positive. Think Cafe Del Mar or Buddha Bar. Resist the urge to thrash around or overstimulate your energies with Rock or Metal; leave that for the Full moon!!

The Buddhist meditation on Emptiness would be a very good practice at this time as the essence of emptiness is strongly apparent.

Key Words

NURTURE, REST, REFLECT, RELEASE, FLOW, STEADY, CALM, PEACEFUL, EMPTINESS, SEED, CONTEMPLATE.

What purpose do we need?

Today is one of those days. Today I feel bereft of an anchor or a purpose. I check my phone. Ah, the moon is nearly dark. The dark moon is always a confusing one for me; so used as I am, to being ‘filled up’ with things. I don’t feel panicked about it. Not this time anyway. So what’s changed? I can sense the emptiness coming with the approaching moon differently today. I feel somehow safe in its presence as if it were a benevolent friend sitting with me. It tells me not to worry and sitting in the feeling of emptiness I am aware of this befriending process. This is a new one, yet there is nothing new here at all! My mind is looking for a latch, or a hook upon which to hang this day, but the hook and the door indeed, have all but gone! Gone where? No-where. Emptiness is like that. Nothing has disappeared, yet its mere appearance is no longer manifesting before me. Confused? Don’t be.

It is no more confusing than a dew drop evaporating from the petal of a flower
Gone back to its source from whence it came, merely changing form, not essence

So what do I do in this state of being?…or no being? I really don’t know who I am or what I am doing in that potentially aimless day-to-day kind of way that could manifest into a depression or even simple malaise. So what gives?

Here is what my Buddha tells me:

Accept whatever feelings or states arrive to the best of your ability and allow the shifting of your mind to be in a positive direction. Be mindful of your emotions and mental winds and do not allow your state to sink. All is well. Trust. This is the time of clearing. Everything must evaporate into its native state before it can rebuild itself afresh. The process is indeed instigated by the passage of the moon in her phases and affects the very water molecules of your physical being. You could call this a body mood. It is beyond your control so do not try to save yourself from it! There is nothing to save! You are pure Buddha nature; at one with the light. Pure vibration. The release of who you think you are should feel refreshing to you and yet you spend so much time fearing this ‘no-self’. This too is part of the process of awakening. Awakening to your true nature is like a butterfly waking up and thinking it is still a caterpillar. The cocoon is gone. Your wings are fully formed. It’s time to learn to fly. This IS your purpose! Flight and the feelings of being alive. It is so simple and this is why you resist. You are addicted to complication. Let it go. It will be safe when you do. Peace.

That’s nice to know.
Thanks Inner Buddha Nature.
I am what I am. Simple!
What I do is what I feel like has meaning for me or is necessary for survival. This is the simplicity that brings mental peace and joy. Looking for more meaning than this at this point in time is clearly insane!

Today I wish for myself and for you, the grace to accept where we are and where we are not, and the release of our limited self-identity.
Fly on!

Namaste

Photo Credit Kelly Boesch