Why Do I Like Apples…so much?

If Apples = Men

I like Apples because:

I seek nourishment; because I am wired to; They help me know myself…They are delicious, food, natures medicine, full of nutrients, sunlight and vital forces…

Because I am Eve.
It is my lot to love an Apple!
Because from the Dawn of Time
I have known Apples to be
the source of my existence
and this is my sin!
My confusion, my knowing
that blocks out the One Central Thing
that makes me cover myself in shame;
The thing is
that I forgot that
The Apple is NOT GOD;
but the fruit of knowing God in man!
But I must learn this lesson well;
for many years, have I been deluded
By God; that Father,
God, that Son,
and I… The Ghost!
the mere ghost…
I set myself to wandering
alone in the desert,
no mortal man to hold me;
Inviolable, untouchable in my torment.

I sought for the apple tree within
and found only you, you and
you, again…
But you are NOT GOD
So how can I be SO mistaken?

So I know GOD through Apples
but do I know, can I know GOD
directly, by my own lights?
Can I come, finally, naked
open handed, surrendered
and say
God, I looked for you everywhere
But I found only Apples!
They are sweet but they are not you,
and I am mere Mortal;
Wounded and seeking
comfort.

This Apple would only feed me
for so long, but I seek
life eternal, life beyond life
I seek your Source now;
only you.
I no longer seek Apples.
They are what they are;
They appear, are eaten
or being eaten by other insects
and I feel abundant.
But there is only one
after all…
The Apple Tree itself belongs to You!

March 28th 2017

I wrote this after a long and painful night letting go my attachment to a friend. I love him dearly but it is not time for us to go beyond the simplicity of friendship. I accept this, though it hurts me greatly. I’m sure the pain is cleansing. Ouch. Healing HURTS!!!

Earlier in the day whilst we were hanging out he looked for a bag of apples and couldn’t find them. Later he told me he had found them after all. I said I wanted his apple! Ha! Anyway, we played with the metaphor of apples representing men… and he asked my why I loved apples so much?

I had to pause and really think about this one, (hence the title) and the depth I found was actually quite religious in it’s tone. Quite. I thought, yes! This love with attachment is what hurts. It would do me well to reconnect with my source energy and stop mooning over him like he would be all the answers to my emptiness. Maybe he would be for a while, but then, when I’ve eaten his flesh and sucked him dry… then what…?

Back to the apple tree…

Got A Bad Mood?

I have to credit Carl Gustav Jung with the original quote which was as follows.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes”

I read it in a book and it stuck but I’ve paraphrased it because it is so spot on. How many times in daily life do we reach for the outside option to make ourselves feel better?

Anyway, please check out my video above and perhaps see you around a little.

Thanks for your visit.

Phoebe

🙂

Header photo artwork by:

ADAM WHITE PHOTOGRAPHY

To see my art:

PHOEBE THOMASSON ARTWORKS

I set me free

I’ve always been a scaredy cat
how did I get over that?
I didn’t but I kind of did
but it got over me.

I wish I had your courage
your boldness and your flourish
but I was told to simmer down
to stop being wild!

And so I did!
I stayed quiet when I wanted to shout
so scared of not being liked by you
but therein lies the prison!

I set me free!

P.Thomasson
Nov 2016

Photo artwork by:

Adamwhitephotography

For my paintings:

www.ptartworks.com

Unpacking

Unpacking the suitcase of our brain
we must start again
See again.
Think we know it all
already,
We must realize
there is no prize

But happiness is enough
That’s what I know
Happiness is everything
we want to show

Creative Surgery 101: Accepting & Learning About Our Creative Block

When blocked…

…carry on! But not at what you are blocked at!

….. do something different, get into a better feeling but allow the sense of being blocked to tell you, teach you, reach you… don’t fight it… it may be that you are knackered and need to slow down and listen to your body; take a break, make a video, do a course, download a new book or ten, go for a walk every day for a month?

Do something or do nothing, whatever you do, do it consciously. Oh today I feel like quitting all my jobs. Well, do it, mentally first. Try it out first on paper; what does it feel like? what are you actually trying to achieve that is eluding you?

Talk about it! Talk to whoever loves you enough to listen. Say that you really appreciate their time and say you don’t need solutions; only to be heard. Your block wants to be heard!

On your own? No bother; talk to the cosmic forces, the page, your higher self, the angels or ascended masters; it makes no difference. Your block wants to be heard. It needs to hear itself! It needs fluffed up and separated out of it’s knot.

De-knot. Loosen up. Tease it out. Talk to the page, a video camera, a voice recorder a mirror… whatever you can lay your hands on, use it to find out what your block wants to say!

The blocked state has as much to teach us about ourselves as our states of flow. Be kind to yourself when you are in it and respect the process, gently moving in a zig zag pattern out and away, we shift our focus until we can see the bigger picture.

It’s tactical. This is the art of the gentle war.

Peace will come again… never fear.

x

Living Upwards

Are you turning your world upside down?

 

PTART.WORKS

Sometimes
in order to live upwards
we must fall downwards
like drips
running off the canvas
of time and space
we must allow
ourselves to run
unfettered
with gravity’s pull
and when we reach the edge
we must allow
ourselves to dry
resting
simply breathing
on the beach of emptiness
as we dream at the borders
of infinity
only to renew ourselves
once again
by turning the canvas
upside down.

When asked today in my Magic Mirror Challenge about the message I want to espouse, I am forced to think long and hard about it. There are so many pat answers I could give, but if I am living true to my word I want to go deeper than all the platitudes that have been already said.

If I could put this painting and it’s meaning into a message that would perhaps carry, and give new perspective it would be…

View original post 34 more words

Stand Your Ground: Facing Down The Doubt Devil

I stand, and stand
Still as rock
Never before
Have I stood so long.

I stare, and stare
My adversary
Eyes glaring
Now we
Soul sharing.

I quiver, I quiver
He smiles
I shiver
I stand my ground
This time round.


 

I am reading ‘Think And Grow Rich’ by Napoleon Hill as part of my Financial Education.

Reading the first story of a little girl standing up to an adult man made me think that the lesson may be in Standing One’s Ground. Believing in one’s endeavour until results are seen is a vital lesson in endurance and perseverance.

For me personally, the belief in my work as an artist must be sustained through lean times, when no perceivable progress is being made. I must trust my course of action and face down the Doubt Devil, eye ball to eye ball.

In this way alone can I hope to achieve long term results.

www.ptart.works

Hitting The Wall

Tonight I hit the wall.

You know the one. The impenetrable bricks and mortar one, not the flimsy version that you can dissolve with a thought. No this is almost like hitting your mortality in the face.

I had to have a crazy scribble on the paper then run off to the loo for a little cry then escape for a coffee and a chat with Sarah.

Thank god I know what it’s all about. It’s almost certainly one symptom of burn out. I’ve been moving the house around, including the studio. I’ve also been watching other artist’s at work and simultaneously getting inspired and dejected.

The comparison game is deadly for sure.

My wall tonight was composed of the following elements:

  1. I can’t do this
  2. I am not able to be this ‘artist’ thing
  3. I’m not flowing tonight
  4. I’m in my head
  5. I can’t do this
  6. I am crap…..

…you get the picture. Not very inspiring stuff to have in your head. I really do have a lot to learn, and that’s ok. You never stop learning art. Same as life, no different, but I do know one thing; I am learning how to know when to stop and what to do when I’m stopped.

It’s such a relief to go “You know what. There is no pressure but my own here, I can get off whenever I want to. It’s supposed to be fun!”

And that’s where I started the night. With the intent to have fun. I did. I got to talk to fellow artists, and you know what? They all understood, in their own version, what I meant, what had happened and shared a little bit more.

That’s it in a nut shell really. Being vulnerable enough to let it out, let it out and let other’s in.

I never used to do that.

I have grown. I am happy with that.

if pain wont stop me then what will

The Ideal Doctor: The Diagnosis You Wish You Had


Dear Doc,

I’ve been having some concerns about my health recently. I ache all over, I get sad and I can’t stop thinking about work and how to do everything better.

I feel so different; I don’t feel like I fit in with the world. I have dreams and strange thoughts. Can you help me? I am afraid.

Regards

Phoebe


 

Dear Phoebe,

With regards to your concerns I am going to tell you categorically, not to worry. All your symptoms are part of your healing from the past and overcoming limitation.
Your body aches because you are using it like never before. You are so inspired that you are working longer hours because you are doing work that you enjoy for the first time in your life. So I would say that the sad feelings come as a result of tiredness and grieving for all the years of unhappiness.

This is cause for celebration indeed and I shouldn’t worry about the work thing…it means simply that you are on the road to mastery of your life and your life’s work is to put everything together in a way that totally suits you. No one else can do what you do, so of course you are aware that what you do is important because it is coming from the heart.

As for feeling different, good. That means you’ve expanded beyond your limitations and your ego is looking for things to cling to. You are so far ahead of where you’ve ever been before that you no longer feel solid ground beneath your feet.
By Jove I think you are flying.

Well done. See you in another six months.
You are in excellent health.

Yours Sincerely,

Your Ideal Inner Doctor

Finding my Super Elegant Loving Force (S.E.L.F)

I’m getting really good at wading through emotional, mental and cognitive shit. Somehow I am surviving and coming out the other side better than before I went in. It feels amazing!

Wading through shit…that’s called being human; it’s what we do…

The wading process appears to be feeding me. In a way it’s part of who I am and how I function; to get into a mess, and have to figure a way through.

The shit wading process brings out all sorts of character traits; the lover of challenges and the inventor of approaches, the researcher of ideas and the consoler of lost dreams. It’s all there.

I love it!!!….even though I hate being in it.

I must do because I keep attracting it!

Probably something like you.

The important question to ask ourselves is whether we are sinking, floating, or wading, and why?

Ducky_Birds_acrylic_on_canvas_painting_PT_Art
Are we floating of sinking in our own waters?

I’ve learnt a lot recently from friends and family, books and other things…

  • I’ve learnt that I often get so caught up in my own head that I forget to listen and that really pisses people off.
  • I’ve learnt that selfishness isn’t as bad as it’s cracked up to be and in fact is grossly misunderstood as a term.
  • I’ve learnt that putting others first can be detrimental to your health when you are ‘sacrificing’ your own needs. I don’t like martyrs and neither should you.
  • I’ve learnt that it’s OK to be a pain in the ass…sometimes; as long as there is a good reason, and you are aware of it. Otherwise you are just being an ass-hole and acting from your emotional baggage.

Sometimes we’ve just got to focus on ourselves for a while, or for ever. Sometimes we have to be selfish, or ‘concerned with our own interests‘ in order to function right. If we don’t function within the bounds of our own nature, then we are unhappy humans trying to be a shape we are not.

I am now debunking all sorts of old programming that would have me trying to fit into a square hole, when obviously I’m round.

They don’t make round squares, or square circles….

acrylic on board abstract painting of black and white bubbles on a green background by contemporary artist phoebe thomasson

So I was never really a square after all; just a repressed and terrified round thing with no inner sense of direction. That’s modern life for you.

Fuck you! modern life for making me scared….deep down, you know what I’m talking about….right?

These are lonely times, and it’s acceptable to use whatever we can at our disposal, within reason, to help us through.

Loneliness is a killer and it’s imperative to master the art of vulnerability and reach out through the walls of our partitioned lives and into one another’s hearts and minds. Trust me, it’s not as bad as you think!

Reaching out always makes me feel better immediately, even if no-one replies, it’s that act of courage that makes all the difference. If there is a loving and friendly reply, then so much the better, but it’s the reaching out that counts.

But we want to feel heard too.

I am done with guilt and shame for needing certain things, and for my weaknesses.

I am now striving to find, and live in, my zone of genius (see Gay Hendricks for more on that).

I am working on finding my S.E.L.F. (Super, Elegant, Loving, Force)

To intimately know the S.E.L.F. and to accept it…perchance to…well, love it, is hard work!!

To live as the Super Elegant Loving Force that we truly are, requires some kind of surrender, the choice to do so, and the dropping of much baggage, just because we can. It’s an art, for sure.

Some of it can only be done in thought, carefully picking our way through our faulty assumptions about life.

The word and deed results come later.

I must be patient…and diligent.

It will come.

turquoise and yellow ochre textured paint with hand print and bird motifs
The Birds and Bees; acrylic on canvas
Heavenly_Bodies_acrylic
Heavenly Bodies; acrylic on canvas
bare tree stands against clear blue winter sky majestic and strong
Naked Tree; acrylic on canvas
a frond unfurls amidst a neon pink background surrounded by an aura of gold acrylic painting by phoebe thomasson
Pitcher Plant; mixed media on canvas
a purple and blue feather on a misty blue background
Shaman’s Feather; oil on canvas (sold)
link to the art shop and gallery of phoebe thomasson artist
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