Before we start, and I want to be quick, this is not a prescriptive. I plain don’t know how not to be angry. It’s really a question that I intend to answer myself.
Ok so meditation does help but if I don’t do it then I don’t get the calm buzz. Thing is, I’ve been getting angry about lots of things and they all seem pretty stupid like messy kitchen, living room, landing, garden…hmm; seems to me that I really am allergic to mess, chaos and clutter. Good job I’m learning to be a minimalist isn’t it? I’ve got miles to go and I just can’t seem to stop buying clothes. I’m truly addicted to eBay. What’s wrong with me?
I despair at myself at times, and when I run out of despair for myself I can find plenty of others to despair at. It’s a hideous mindset; I really hate it. I don’t want to be hung up on external things forever like they really matter because surely they don’t matter that much because they don’t really exist. It’s all just a load of old space and emptiness.
Did I mention I’ve been studying Buddhism, and the Buddhists really get this. I mean, they can explain emptiness like no other explanation on earth. It’s really something! ha. Nothing is not nothing.
So why does it all have such an effect on me? Stuff. You know! It’s still quite a mystery to me why I get so wound up about it. It’s like I become hooked on cleaning, and it’s satisfying for a while, while it’s clean. BUT then it becomes messy again and I just go berserk after a while because I just can’t keep up with it all. AND it becomes messy FAR quicker than it gets sorted out! Why is this? Decay and Chaos are predispositions for life it seems. We’re all destined to have our cellular structures, so neatly put together at the start, gradually pulled apart and mashed into chaos pulp no sooner than we hit 30 and then it’s …oh, this is sounding so negative. I’m sorry. Gracious me, what a tangled web this stuff creates in me.
I need a remedy. A new mindset….hmmm.
ILOVECHAOS AND CHAOS LOVESME…
NO rhyme nor reason. Just changin’ with the season.
Letting flow. Letting go, go, go…(to bed)
I’ve got to let this stuff be easy, breezy, japaneezy.
I’ll try it tomorrow. NOTHING is going to disturb my equanimity and lest I become hoisted by my own petard (what IS that?~I love it) I shall let you know how I got on.